In April 2014, part of my world exploded.
I grew up believing in marriage. I still do. I was raised in a family that looked at divorce as weakness—giving up. There would ALWAYS be a way to reconcile, there would always be a way to mend broken hearts, and love always wins. I entered my own marriage feeling this way and while my feelings on marriage taking work still exist, I’ve been completely blindsided by the dissolve of my mother and father’s relationship… leaving me, well, damaged.
As most people who are affected by divorce will tell you, it’s not simple. Nothing about it is easy. In fact, it’s messy and disgusting, especially when you are the child witnessing the dysfunction. Funny thing is, at 31, married with a son approaching age two, I haven’t felt like a child in a long time…. Yet, when your adult parents, who are grandparents, go through a divorce, suddenly you feel very, very small again. I’ve had to dig deeper than I could ever imagine finding strength to not let this wreck my life. It has torn me apart daily yet I am not broken. And do you want to know why? It’s because LOVE DOES WIN.
When I went digging for inner strength, I found it. I harnessed it from the incredible love I have for my son and for my husband. At the time that the pending divorce began my son was only four months old. Like most infants, he was incredibly needy and attached to me, wanting to be nuzzled close at all times, next to my heart for that reassuring beat. The crazy thing is, I felt exactly the same way. I needed to be nuzzled next to him and listen to his heartbeat because he gave me hope. He gave me hope that I would survive the immeasurable pain that I was feeling. A small baby, no bigger than 16 pounds was saving me. He required so much care that I was able to be distracted from the cloud overhead and when he looked into my eyes every morning I felt his love like warm sunshine drape upon my shoulders. His love and the incredible support I had from my husband and my own marriage has carried me through the last 17 months. They needed me and it was my job to take care of them. Ironically, taking care of them was taking care of me. I had a purpose and didn’t have the option to let the discord stop me from doing my job. I wouldn’t allow it to rob me of my joy of being a new mother… some of the best moments I’ll hold close to my heart forever.
The details of my parents divorce story are irrelevant. Those of you who have been in my shoes will agree, the details of dysfunction, who said what and who did what, eventually doesn’t matter. At some point you begin to accept what has happened and desperately want the healing process to begin. Picking a scab doesn’t make your wound heal any faster, does it?
I know my wound will heal. I have incredible family and friends. I have my new business. I have my responsibilities and distractions. Most importantly, I have me. When I look in the mirror, I realize that I have had many emotional wounds over the last 31 years, some more severe than others. If I look closely I may see scars, I may be able to quickly recall those pains and hurt, but just as quickly I can remember how I made it though, how personal resilience and strength has helped me move on. It is possible… with time, patience, and of course, more love.
Frances Sacripanti is a mother and personal wellness coach who specializes in health and fitness education, motivation and empowerment. A former health and physical education teacher, Frances has a passion for movement, health focused eating, and helping others to reach their health and wellness goals. She shares her philosophy and knowledge base through her website www.mindbodybespoke.com and her active Instagram page @mindbodybespoke.